Feeling a bit inspired by the recent DirectTV commericals I figured it's about time to apply the same rational thought patterns to the waterfall methodology.

When have a deadline approaching, you work all night.
When you work all night, you don't get enough sleep.
When you don't get enough sleep, you turn into a zombie.
When you turn into a zombie, you start eating your co-workers.
Don't eat your co-workers, get rid of waterfall.

When you try to generate an accurate project timeline you start guessing.
When you start guessing, you start grasping at straws.
When run out of straws to grasp at, you look for more.
When you look for more straws, you go looking through trash.
When you go looking through trash, you find yourself in a dumpster.
Don't go dumpster diving, get rid of waterfall.

When you plan too much, you can't make decisions later.
When you can't make decisions later, things will need to change.
When things need to change, you need to change directions.
When you can't switch directions, you drive off an oncoming cliff.
Don't drive off a cliff, get rid of waterfall.

When you estimate a feature wrong, your boss wants you to improve.
When your boss wants you to improve, you practice estimating.
When you practice estimating, you estimate how many tacos you can eat.
When you practice eating tacos all day, you spend all night in the bathroom.
Don't spend all night in a bathroom, get rid of waterfall.

When requirements can't change, the customer wants to change them.
When the customer can't change them, the customer gets mad.
When the customer gets mad at you, you get mad.
When you get mad, you go home mad.
When you go home mad, your mother in-law stops by.
When your mother in-law stops by, she tells you everything you are doing wrong.
When she tells you everything you are doing wrong, you punch her in the face.
Don't punch your mother in-law in the face, get rid of waterfall.